On the day of your funeral, I tried my best to say goodbye, but my heart just could not do it. I watched as you were born and your beautiful soul entered this world. Your light shined so bright from that moment on. I never imagined I would ever have to say goodbye.I wish I could have spent more time with you, attended all your games and special events. I wish I could have been there in every way possible. I wish I had hugged you longer, taken more pictures with you, and been there for you. Should have, could have, would have.... doesn't bring you back.
When I last saw you, I said to you, "I'm so proud of you. Stay safe, keep your head up. I love you. Let's get together again soon." Sadly that day never came. I, and many others, are forever changed by your presence and now your absence. You were my "first baby." You were a "big brother" and "role model" to Caleb, who is still trying to fill your boots. Thank you for being a great friend to your little cousin. He has become the man he is in part due to your example.
Thank you for being you, real, true to your heart, you. I think of you everyday. Usually before I open my eyes. I know I'm not alone. I think of your eyes, your smile, your words... I can still hear your voice say "Hey Aunt Tricia" in different octaves. I hope you know how much I love you. We didn't see each other as often as we grew older, but I loved watching your life in pictures. You make me proud. I love the art you chose to wear on your body. A friend of mine saw a picture of you and told me you were a beautiful man. She was right, but she didn't know you or just how beautiful a person you were.
I waited to say goodbye, until today. I waited because I needed Caleb to say goodbye also. He finally had his opportunity to say goodbye today. We visited the cemetery with Jeremy and Emily. It was cloudy day and the lovebugs seemed to land on every place my tears fell. I thought it may be easier to say goodbye now, but I just don't think I can. I'm not ready. I may never be ready. So I'll just say, I'll see you later, until I see you again in heaven. I love you now as I always have and always will. Rest In Peace my sweet nephew.
Wednesday August 9, 2017 at 9:12 pm