Shock, Disbelief, Grief, Confusion, Analysis (Looking for Answers), Grief, Anger, Grief, Analysis, Acceptance, Regret/Remorse, Grief, Realization, Reconciliation, Grief, Resolution, Memorial
James, my dear brother and friend, our dear friend, passed away the other day, late Wednesday night/early Thursday morning. To sum it up, James was a forward looking visionary type of man with passion and conviction. He was very passionate about a lot of things. We loved him and we will miss him so much. As a brother, a son, an uncle and friend, he loved his family and his friends very much. He had a lot of things he wanted to do and get done. I think he needed us more than we knew and we didn’t know how much we needed him.
He was pronounced dead on Thursday, December 29th in the wee early morning hours. We believe he died peacefully in his sleep, late Wednesday night, December 28th, we just don’t know exactly when. We replay the moments over and over in our mind so it’s good to write this down for his memory sake and ours. He was 60 years old as of his last birthday, but shy of two months before being 61. It’s not as old as one might think. Other than his lower back bothering him ever since a previous operation, he was in reasonably good health and spirits most of the time.
James was weathered, but still had a thick healthy head of hair, just mostly gray. Not the dark brown/black it used to be when he was younger. When he was younger, he was very handsome. There were times when James would let his hair grow long and then he went to a special place called Locks of Love that made wigs for people who hair problems. James donated his hair for someone to use in a wig. James always did nice things like that for people and organizations where he could. He always wanted and tried to help if he was able. One friend described James in a great way, “James was a sweet soul”, and another commenting on “his enriched character”. James always wanted to make something better for someone with advice or actually following through and doing something where he could. Yet he would also take any of us in his confidence and tells his personal experiences and ideas that others might not know about. He tried to befriend and took in some of the stray cats that came by the house and always tried to provide a little extra food for any wild animals that might come through the yard. He wanted to do so much and he always fought the good fight.
My thoughts wonder trying to capture moments together with him. Each of us have our own version of the various times we each shared with him. I think about when James and I were kids and the games we played and the times we shared. His big smile and laugh were always obvious. He was inquisitive, creative, imaginative, and inventive. James was the youngest of three boys. He claimed he always got the hand-me-downs, but he knew he never went without anything he needed and was always grateful. When he got old enough, we swam together all summer long, each summer. We built and rode push go-carts together as well and other kid stuff like that, playing all day into the night. We would change what we did with each season and do what we did. Fireworks on the 4th, costumes and candy on Halloween, family celebrations on Thanksgiving and Christmas, and Christmas tree forts… When we got older we rode our bikes around together with our dog, but we obviously started hanging around more with the friends within our own age groups and going our own ways. We had our arguments, but still had each other’s confidence though.
James had heart and was a fighter in spirit and deed in many areas. For example, he had strong political opinions. He was a fighter for rights as defined by the Constitution of the United States, a proud member of the NRA, being very active to lobby Senators and Congressmen/women with his calls and letters for one position or another. James went so far as to seek Congressional seat on the Libertarian ticket in 2014 and 2016. We thought that was pretty impressive for the little money he had of his own to put into the campaigns. James was very vocal if anyone wanted to talk about it. We were very proud of him and his accomplishments.
He was accomplished in other ways as well. Even with a learning disability, James had earned an Associate’s Degree from Wharton Community College with honors and a Bachelor’s Degree in Computer Engineering from Texas Tech in Lubbock. He was very proud of his educational experiences and very proud of his professors and his profession. He talked about them and supported the schools whenever he could. James had worked for the State of Texas in a couple of positions with high security clearances.
James had many legal battles, representing himself, researching all of the legal requirements and eventually getting one case up for consideration on appeals before the United State Supreme Court! James’ case was rejected and thus the lower court’s ruling was not overturned, but hey, James did that on his own! He had to do a lot of quick legal learning and put it in play quickly. As we go through the process of grieving, I came across several research information that he used to learn and understand what he needed to do legally to be successful in this undertaking. He had to write and present legal briefs and do disclosures and fight against various bureaucracies. They had to give consideration to everything he did and said because he did it right and they knew it!
Through all of this, James liked to go camping and go up to Arkansas to mine for diamonds about once every year. He liked to snow ski if the chance was there when he was younger. We took up scuba diving lessons when we were young and did trips to Canyon Lake in New Braunsels, TX. He liked to shoot. He loved his family and friends, and James did his best to take care of everyone in the family, best he could, as it concerns our spirits, our cars and our computers and even helped with our houses if we couldn’t do it ourselves. He could tear down a car and rebuild it, and he could build a computer from scratch. He was a positive force in our lives. He was very concerned about the welfare of his family and friends and did not think he could do enough. He did most everything at his personal expense. He was full of advice and encouragement, and glad to give it or not, depending on who had time and an ear. I even think he was involved with a lot of analysis of certain military chat lines on things he was interested. James prided himself with a high IQ. He was very proficient in electronics, which I guess makes sense because of his engineering background. He was studying up on his computer knowledge for building some kind of artificial intelligence computer as well! Given enough time, he might have done just that! James was a good guy. James was very much of a forward thinker, always planning and preparing for things that might be happening. James believed in GOD and the spiritual power of GOD, and he believed he had a calling of some sort.
James went to Humble Sr. High School and after a small break, went back to school at Wharton Community College in Wharton, TX where he got an Associate’s Degree with honors, being a member of Alpha Theta Kappa, and then on to Texas Tech in Lubbock, TX for his Bachelor’s Degree in Computer Engineering.
James was married once, but for a short while. He loved his nieces and nephew very much and would do just about anything for them. He always wanted to have everyone around if he could.
James and my mom lived in the house together. This is the house that our dad and mom had built and we grew up in since around our teen age years. Upstairs was his domain and downstairs, of course was mother’s, obviously with mutual areas like the kitchen and living areas. He pretty much took care of everything around the house and recently started driving mother around where she needed to go and such. They both worked in the yard.
Mother hadn’t heard James or seen him all that day, the Wednesday after Christmas, and she was concerned, because James had not been feeling well, with symptoms other than his normal back problems. However, she could tell he had come down and did some cleaning up around outside, but he never said anything to her. She was watching television with the earphones on, so she figures he just walked on by and did whatever he did without saying anything to her.
James had been sick Christmas so some of us had not seen him for a while. He called me Tuesday to say he was feeling better, but still wanted to go back to bed to lie down. I wasn’t available, so he got my voice-mail. I don’t carry my phone with me everywhere I go, so I got the message late Tuesday that evening before I left the office. I had to play the message back a couple of times to understand what he was telling me as his speech was a little groggy. He said he thought he had some kind of food poisoning, but wasn’t sure.
She called upstairs late around 12:00 am, in the middle of the night. He never answered, so that’s when she went upstairs and saw him. Mother says she was hysterical at first, then called me. That was around 12:13 am per the time marker on my phone. When I took the phone, I remember her voice when she was screaming, “Wesley? James has died!” My wife heard her tell me. We are both in shock. I am asking her to tell what she is talking about. She said, “I went upstairs and found him lying there!” She is crying in disbelief… When I got there, she was on the phone to 911, but I just went upstairs to see my brother and understand what she was telling me. I rigorously shook him, calling out his name, but nothing. His body was cold. I came downstairs and she handed me the phone to speak with the 911 person. In my shock, disbelief and grief, I was not organized in my thoughts to say much anything coherent. We were overwhelmed. The 911 person promptly told me the paramedics were outside the house now and that I could hang up.
James is treasured and will be sorely missed until we are together again. “By the hand of GOD, man travels through time”. James is now relieved of his pain and suffering.
James is survived by his beautiful and loving mother, Helen, his brother, Wesley and his wife, Svetlana, and their daughter Elizabeth, Svetlana’s son Alex and his wife Sabina, his ex-sister-in-law, Terry, who he remained good friends, and their children, Anna and Sarah. James had a couple of stray cats that he took in from outside as well that are upstairs alone with each other now.
James is predeceased by his beautiful and loving father, Jack and our older wonderful, lovingly remembered brother, K. Lawrence.